Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The 15th-Mile Chapel

Mist in a valley, fresh and green
Chirps and twits how sweet they sing
Smooth as cream is the cool, damp air
Twinkle twinkle goes Nature's funfair

Chicken, chicks and butterflies
Baby blues of clear blue skies
Shiny as black coal is the household pet
Woe it has white toes, still hunter of rats

Cool be the floor, warm is the spread
Coziness is tea and of needs taken cared
Merry is news of loved ones, and from
Even merrier the hymns of sunshine after storm

Words we speak, off the tongue they roll
Language of companionship, language of the soul
Remember them, remember, less come another day,
I forget how they are said, then dismay, dismay.

Final Days at Home

I'm leaving home for Singapore next Monday. Wish I could bring home with me.
Funny how when preparing to go to KL, I can't wait to see the world; now I wish I could stay in my shell. :)

I'm excited though, to be moving from 7 hours to just 20 minutes away from my sister hehehehehe...

For Malaysians who are moving to Singapore, I was just told that it's okie to bring your rice cooker, iron, charger ect from home, the power supply shouldn't be posing any problems for you.

I'm still packing, packing my luggages as well as pieces of my heart (so melodramatic haha). I am more attached to home then I think I am.

My parents have been sighing a lot lately...I'm the last to leave home and they are feeling the empty nest syndrome. ;) Good thing my 2nd sister is coming home soon.

My brother thinks of coming home to see me off...very sweet of him, I do miss him. I would have gladly go meet him in KL if I could drive there...then no need to worry about packing as if I'm bringing the whole house, and can go visit my friends and family in Christ in KL...only downside is spending a few days less at home...and laundry to do as soon as I arrie in Singapore...which is why I shall wait for him to come despite his busy schedule. Haha

You know Ko if you are reading my blog, too bad you have a spoiled kid for a sister...that would be partly your fault for spoiling me ^^

The Decision to NUS

Just want to share with you a little something aquired during this recent struggle in decision making.

The night before USM's registeration day, I pleaded with the Lord for peace, assurance and sign that He is with me in the decision to let USM go. Sometimes answers don't come to fit exactly the question we asked, but it comes with the lesson of what we should be asking.
I pleaded like Jacob, ' Lord I won't stop until I have your blessing.'

I was studying the book A Love Worth Giving by Max Lucado, lent to me by my sister, and They Found The Secret by V. Raymond Edman. My lesson to learn was this: Selfishness vs Christ-ishness.

Luke 18 and 19 has many exmples we can learn from in this lesson. Do I value Christ more then my desires? Is He in the centre of my life or in the sidelines, e.g. backup plan?

Zachaeus was aching to know this Christ Jesus person. When he, a despised sinner, was shown mercy, he readily gave up his wealth, because his worth now is in Christ. And Jesus said to him, 'Today salvation has come to this house, because this man too is a son of [faith].' Unlike him, the rich ruler, when told to ' sell everything...and follow me,' became sad. He loved his wealth more than Christ.

My dad was saying the previous day over the breakfast table, only when we are willing to let go of everything in exchange for Christ can we be fit to serve, because if we still keep something, we will want to add more to it. Give up everything, and we will have nothing to add to for ourselves, and nothing to obstruct our efficiency in Christ.

"Sell everything...and follow Me...and you will have treasure in heaven"

I have a bulk of wealth was selfish ambition.
It bacame a wall that I built, making it hard to hear from God. See Lord Jesus Christ is always knocking, always listening, always inviting; if we can't hear Him, it's because we built a wall.

I came to see that selfishness was the sorce of many of my problems while in KL. Seeking to get praised, seeking to fit in, seeking to stand out. Always me me me and not Him.
No wonder the wall felt Suffocatingly thick.

"The LORD is my good shepherd, I shall not want."

I shall not want. If I don't come to understand this, I am in danger of holding the wrong rope in high seas. So I see that is what a struggle is about, letting go of the sinking raft before grapping a hold of Christ's lifeline.

Only when I let go did the promise came...oh sweet promises of God!

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart" -Psalms 37:4

The desires of my heart! God wants to give me the desires of my heart!
Imagine being told you will given that i-phone you wanted, or a new ride good enough to turn all the ladies heads!

Wait, isn't desires exactly what we are against right now?
Ah~but here is the difference: This desire arises from the desire to serve Him (well urm, all the best trying to fit i-phones and Bumblebee rides into a plausible God-serving plan) Plus, if He took them away later on you won't sulk (which I learn during the scholarship struggle :) ), because they are not the point, He is. "Delight yourself in the LORD..." Christ-ishness is the secret key to unlocking this promise.
Ultimately my desire is to be given a role in fulfilling Christ's grand masterplan, I don't want to be left out :)

A friend asked me how I made the decision to go to NUS. Well I didn't tell my friend how many times I doubt that decision, I just tell him God led me to discover how the programme srtucture in NUS fits what I wanted, what He put in my mind since pre-u days. I believe He is giving me the desire of my heart.

I could be wrong, but the heck with it, cos when the time comes, there will be new struggles, and with it comes new blessings, new promises, new mercies. Praise be to God!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

No scholarship for me

So I went for the interview on 16th June 2009...very nice people, they let me do all the talking :p...and I was told that the results of the interview will be out by the end of June.

I didn't hear anything from them yet this morning, so I decided to email them. The reply came soon after...
'We are sorry to inform you that you are unsuccessful in your Teaching Award application.'
It was almost as if my short of patience resulted in the failure.

It didn't come as a blow...the benefit of having to wait so long is that you have plenty of time to consider all the possibilities and how you would react to each. The flip side though, is that options closes as time pass, so that by the time the waiting is over, and the outcome is unfavourable, you are lost at what to do.
Let me explain.

After the Study-in-Canada is a closed case, I was left with two options (notice my use of pass tense): USM in Penang, and NUS in Singapore. I know I said NUS was God sent, and yes it is God sent in that matter as a means of weaning me off Canada, but in any case I could still be wrong.

So then here were my options:
A. USM-3 years Honours course, a less pretigious school but recently granted APEX status by the government, and the fees is RM240 per year, after incentives, no mistake, RM 240.

B. NUS-4 years Honours course (provided with God's help I survive well), high international rankings, and the fees is about RM 20,000 per year, after taking the Singapore Government's Tuition Grant, not to mention living expenses exculded.

This is when I wish I were a better disciple, cos I don't know what's the right choice to make.

I applied for the scholarship, went for the interview, and the wait started. Meanwhile, last Saturday, the day for USM freshmen to register, arrived. I prayed and prayed, and felt at peace to let it pass. Goodbye USM, I'm headed for NUS!
I closed the door to USM.

And then came the bad news.
It didn't come as a blow, but it came as a sting...hurts a little at first, then get's worse.

Now I have to run to God for balm. :)